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September 1, 2003
A once-dying breed, the well-groomed, fine-mannered male sees a sudden revival
Jennifer Wood, Tribune
Wherever you may have seen him — at Scottsdale Fashion Square, at the
door at Six nightclub — he stands out. He’s confident, gracious,
well-spoken — and always impeccably dressed.
"When I hear ‘gentleman,’ I think it is the guy who behaves himself, respects others, and dresses well," said Remy Toh, a 45-year-old Scottsdale resident who grew up in Paris, and who has worked with Armani and Valentino. "That’s my job."
Toh learned his genteel ways from his father — "the most elegant and sophisticated man you’ve ever met." But, such role models are on the wane, experts said.
Instead, magazines like Maxim and TV shows like "Jackass" and "The Man Show" suggest that to be a real man, one must ogle women, chug beer, act uninterested when it comes to matters of personal hygiene and not be afraid to perform senseless acts in public.
And though pop culture may be putting forth the notion that the gentleman has permanently bowed out of society, there are signs that the well-mannered, well-styled man is coming back.
Marketers are targeting the influential "metrosexual" — a straight, urban, well-groomed man. Online, a group called The Stiff Collar: A Guild of Traditional Gentleman (www.stiffcollar.com) seeks to promote "the sartorial and behavioural standards of a gentleman."
And on Bravo’s hit show, "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy," five gay men rehabilitate a hapless heterosexual, teaching him how to cook, dress, groom, decorate and behave. A recent episode featured a New York Port Authority officer, stripped down to his skivvies for an application of self-tanner.
"This is so embarrassing," he kept repeating.
But by the time the "Fab Five" had completed the makeover, the officer admitted that he’d never felt better.
A crop of new books is also attempting to resurrect the gentleman. Michael Hall, a Kansas City, Mo., doctor, recently wrote "The American Gentleman: A Contemporary Guide to Chivalry." John Bridges and Bryan Curtis have penned a series of guides with titles such as "A Gentleman Gets Dressed Up," "A Gentleman Entertains," "A Gentleman Pens a Note" and "A Gentleman Raises His Glass."
Public desire for the gentleman has never subsided, Curtis said. It is just a lost art.
"It’s about time" is what Curtis hears most often from his books’ buyers, who are "overwhelmingly" female. The reactions of girlfriends and wives on "Queer Eye" is similar: Some seem so shocked that their man would open a door for them, or know how to cook an elegant meal, you’d think they’d traded Homer Simpson for Clark Gable.
Naturally, the enthusiastic feedback has given men the motive to evaluate their own closets and table manners.
"Public conversations about image is changing as a result of these programs," said Lauren Solomon, a New Yorkbased image consultant and author of "Image Matters!: First Steps on the Journey to Your Best Self." "They are all bringing a positive spin to what can actually happen when you put yourself in the hands of a professional."
Solomon will visit the Valley in October to work with corporate clients on their personal and professional images. Many of those clients are men.
"In most of these cases, it really is a head-to-toe deal," she said. "Clearly, the clothing is the most prominent change, but it is not the only thing that needs changing. Once you’ve got the look, you better have the behavior to support
it."
While gentleman-like dress and behavior is known to attract women, these qualities also help men gain respect in social and business situations. Soloman said a gentleman — which she defines as a man who "is prepared for any occasion and is able to conduct himself appropriately in any situation," will get better seats at a restaurant, upgrades at the airport and pay raises at work.
"You name it," Solomon said.
"To really excel in today’s world, men need style on the inside and out."
A gentleman . . .
• understands the importance of first impressions.
• knows that the latest style often is not the greatest style. It may, in fact, have no style at all.
• understands that a hat exists for utilitarian purposes, either to keep him warm or to keep him cool. He understands, therefore, that there is no reason for a hat, or a cap, to be worn inside.
• owns a pair of tweezers, a set of nail clippers and a nail file.
• washes his face at least once a day, and twice if he is smart.
• knows his dry cleaner’s name.
• never uses a toast to ridicule or embarrass a friend. Neither does he use a toast as a sentimental excuse to bring a friend or co-worker to tears.
• does not consider thank-you notes, congratulatory notes, or sympathy notes a burden. Instead he considers each note a tiny, inexpensive tribute to a person whom he respects, to whom he is grateful, or whose company he enjoys.
• wants the young people in his life to grow up writing thank-you notes, so he sets a good example by sending notes to them as soon as they can read, thanking them for their gifts and kindnesses to him.
• knows that, once he has left a party, it is not his clothes that will be remembered. Instead, his friends, new and old, will comment on the pleasure of his company and the charm of his conversation. Those qualities are the essentials of his everyday wardrobe, no matter which suit he pulls out of the closet, and no matter which necktie he chooses to go with his shirt. Sources: "A Gentleman Raises His Glass," "A Gentleman Pens a Note" and "A Gentleman Gets Dressed Up" by John Bridges and Bryan Curtis
"When I hear ‘gentleman,’ I think it is the guy who behaves himself, respects others, and dresses well," said Remy Toh, a 45-year-old Scottsdale resident who grew up in Paris, and who has worked with Armani and Valentino. "That’s my job."
Toh learned his genteel ways from his father — "the most elegant and sophisticated man you’ve ever met." But, such role models are on the wane, experts said.
Instead, magazines like Maxim and TV shows like "Jackass" and "The Man Show" suggest that to be a real man, one must ogle women, chug beer, act uninterested when it comes to matters of personal hygiene and not be afraid to perform senseless acts in public.
And though pop culture may be putting forth the notion that the gentleman has permanently bowed out of society, there are signs that the well-mannered, well-styled man is coming back.
Marketers are targeting the influential "metrosexual" — a straight, urban, well-groomed man. Online, a group called The Stiff Collar: A Guild of Traditional Gentleman (www.stiffcollar.com) seeks to promote "the sartorial and behavioural standards of a gentleman."
And on Bravo’s hit show, "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy," five gay men rehabilitate a hapless heterosexual, teaching him how to cook, dress, groom, decorate and behave. A recent episode featured a New York Port Authority officer, stripped down to his skivvies for an application of self-tanner.
"This is so embarrassing," he kept repeating.
But by the time the "Fab Five" had completed the makeover, the officer admitted that he’d never felt better.
A crop of new books is also attempting to resurrect the gentleman. Michael Hall, a Kansas City, Mo., doctor, recently wrote "The American Gentleman: A Contemporary Guide to Chivalry." John Bridges and Bryan Curtis have penned a series of guides with titles such as "A Gentleman Gets Dressed Up," "A Gentleman Entertains," "A Gentleman Pens a Note" and "A Gentleman Raises His Glass."
Public desire for the gentleman has never subsided, Curtis said. It is just a lost art.
"It’s about time" is what Curtis hears most often from his books’ buyers, who are "overwhelmingly" female. The reactions of girlfriends and wives on "Queer Eye" is similar: Some seem so shocked that their man would open a door for them, or know how to cook an elegant meal, you’d think they’d traded Homer Simpson for Clark Gable.
Naturally, the enthusiastic feedback has given men the motive to evaluate their own closets and table manners.
"Public conversations about image is changing as a result of these programs," said Lauren Solomon, a New Yorkbased image consultant and author of "Image Matters!: First Steps on the Journey to Your Best Self." "They are all bringing a positive spin to what can actually happen when you put yourself in the hands of a professional."
Solomon will visit the Valley in October to work with corporate clients on their personal and professional images. Many of those clients are men.
"In most of these cases, it really is a head-to-toe deal," she said. "Clearly, the clothing is the most prominent change, but it is not the only thing that needs changing. Once you’ve got the look, you better have the behavior to support
it."
While gentleman-like dress and behavior is known to attract women, these qualities also help men gain respect in social and business situations. Soloman said a gentleman — which she defines as a man who "is prepared for any occasion and is able to conduct himself appropriately in any situation," will get better seats at a restaurant, upgrades at the airport and pay raises at work.
"You name it," Solomon said.
"To really excel in today’s world, men need style on the inside and out."
A gentleman . . .
• understands the importance of first impressions.
• knows that the latest style often is not the greatest style. It may, in fact, have no style at all.
• understands that a hat exists for utilitarian purposes, either to keep him warm or to keep him cool. He understands, therefore, that there is no reason for a hat, or a cap, to be worn inside.
• owns a pair of tweezers, a set of nail clippers and a nail file.
• washes his face at least once a day, and twice if he is smart.
• knows his dry cleaner’s name.
• never uses a toast to ridicule or embarrass a friend. Neither does he use a toast as a sentimental excuse to bring a friend or co-worker to tears.
• does not consider thank-you notes, congratulatory notes, or sympathy notes a burden. Instead he considers each note a tiny, inexpensive tribute to a person whom he respects, to whom he is grateful, or whose company he enjoys.
• wants the young people in his life to grow up writing thank-you notes, so he sets a good example by sending notes to them as soon as they can read, thanking them for their gifts and kindnesses to him.
• knows that, once he has left a party, it is not his clothes that will be remembered. Instead, his friends, new and old, will comment on the pleasure of his company and the charm of his conversation. Those qualities are the essentials of his everyday wardrobe, no matter which suit he pulls out of the closet, and no matter which necktie he chooses to go with his shirt. Sources: "A Gentleman Raises His Glass," "A Gentleman Pens a Note" and "A Gentleman Gets Dressed Up" by John Bridges and Bryan Curtis
